Yesterday Amelia Bedelia and I went out to our barn. We were climbing up in the rafters and jumping down into the hay. It was amazing. And probably as close to flying as I’ll ever get in my life.
Yet there was one point that I didn’t let go. I gripped the edges of the wood, got a splinter in my hand and rope burn on my wrist.
All because I held on too tight.
If I had just let go, jumped and trusted that the hay would catch me and keep me from getting hurt I wouldn’t have the burn on my wrist or had to remove a splinter.
It’s kind of funny how that happened and how much it connects to my crazy life right now. I have problems letting things go and just trusting that everything will be ok someday. I like to control my little infinity. I like to attempt to make everything perfect. And I fail at that. Epically I might add.
I’d be hurt less in life if I just let go. If I stopped holding on so tightly and trusted that the one who made the stars is holding my life in His hands.
My writing is a scattered collection of memories and moments in my life. Most people won’t be able to tell what is real, what is purely fictional, or what are bits of my soul.
Yet as I write I can’t help but wonder if people will read it and be able to see deep into my soul. They’ll know my secret fears, who I love, who I despise, the dreams I’m sometimes too scared to utter, and my darkest thoughts.
Sometimes I have to take a step back and remember that most people will simply see my writing as words. They won’t know that bits and pieces of my stories are things that are all too real to me.
They won’t know I formed that tragic backstory out of the pain I felt when someone I loved left me in the dust. They won’t understand that my characters pain and tears are ones that I cried for a friend in need.
When you think about it, really only you will understand the things that you write about and why. Other people won’t understand or see through those dark moments that your characters pass through. Only you know. And those you choose to tell.
Really writing is an act of bravery. To bare your soul on paper, to bleed the whispers of your heart out unto a fresh document, or to simply form the words when you’re too afraid to speak your mind.
I’m a writer, a master of words, my craft is simply nothing more then bits of my soul formed into words. It’s just that simple, yet so complicated all at once.
Jumpy and Kitty.
So after some thought I decided that I’m going to make this a personal as well as photography blog instead of just my writing blog. I took down most of my old posts and re-did my about me page just so y’all know.
Anyhow, I’m excited to see how this goes. No doubt it’ll be an epic fail, but I’m going to give it a try! Lately life around here has been a blur of ups and downs.
- My dad’s mum was admitted to the hospital after she took a bad fall. She’s doing quite well now, but gave us quite a scare.
- Mum’s mum is coming down from Nova Scotia for THREE whole weeks in March. We’re all on top of the world about that. We haven’t seen her in four years, so it’ll be awesome to spend time with her again. (Yes, my mum is Canadian. She moved down to the states when she married my dad. I’m actually both a Canadian and US citizen which is kind of awesome)
- Farm season at my house is underway! Once the ground thaws we’ll be busy putting in fencing and a huge greenhouse. Right now we’ve been fixing our barn up for the coming season.
- I’m making progress on Echo. It’s taking forever, but I think I *finally* have a good idea with where I’m taking it.
- We discovered that I’m allergic to gluten. Which kind of cleared up the major health issues that have been going on with me for the past six months.
- I got my 50mm lens last month. I know, I know, it’s a little thing to freak out over….BUT I’ve been having a blast playing around with it.
- I’m…..um….almost a year away from graduation. That scares me sometimes, but it’s so exciting too.
- Our town is covered in a blanket of snow at the minute. I’m dying for spring, but I won’t deny the snow is really pretty.
And now I shall leave you with something I wrote earlier this week:
But this is what happens when you lose someone; the numb feeling is gradually replaced by a bitter sense of longing and sadness. You eventually realize that they aren’t coming back and you couldn’t have changed fate anyhow. And after everything has fallen apart, there is nothing left to do except to keep on living as if they weren’t ripped away from you faster than a summer rainfall.
What’s new with you?